The Dental A-Team often hears from team members who feel like they’re not good enough. In this episode, Kiera shares with listeners how to switch from harmful self sabotage and comparison to a healthy awareness of growth and positivity.
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Transcript:
Kiera Dent (00:00)
Hello, Dental A Team listeners. This is Kiera and today I want to dive into something that I think is really important. I feel, hear this from a lot of people. I've coached a lot of dentists. I've worked with a lot of team members. And so I feel like I've got a pretty good background on how to talk about this. And I think just as human nature, and I'm not saying that all of us are there, but
Every dentist, every office manager, every team member I talk to, no matter how successful or how terrible they're doing, they say, I'm not doing well. I'm not doing enough. Like I'm not doing good enough. And I just wanna like dig into this a little bit today because I think it's a lie that we all believe to some level. We feel this imposter syndrome. We feel this... ?
I don't know. It's just this weirdness that I want to help you rewire that story and to maybe give a different perspective on that, because the reality is you're doing better than you think you are. And I want to reset and reframe that internal dialogue because I believe being your own best cheerleader or your own worst critic, both of them have pros and cons. And I think like there's so much icky in the world that why don't we start to become your best cheerleader? I truly do believe the quote that ? Tony Robbins says like where
where focus goes energy flow. So if we're focused on not being good enough or why am I not good enough or I don't know how to do this. Well, yes, there's a line of humility that I appreciate. There's also a line of self sabotage that I think we need to start to cut that script and become even stronger. really, Dental A Team's mission is to positively impact the world of dentistry in the greatest way possible and to help you build thriving practices, thriving leaders, not just surviving, not just hoping and like skirting along. Dentists always want to know how they're doing compared to other dentists.
And so really just giving you kind of that baseline to help you out. ? This is the emotional side of leadership. This is the self-worth, the confidence that rewiring the not enough trap that I wanna just like dig into. And it's just more of a conversation and hopefully bringing some insights and some highlights to help you stop that narrative to really highlight the growth that you can have and just to give you some better. I don't know, just a hug. You're doing so good out there. And I think like as a proud mom of you.
? Just reminding you of how good you are doing, not better than you are, not worse than you are, but realistically where you are. And I think so many of us accidentally self-sabotage the goodness that we have rather than celebrating how great we're doing. ? And again, momentum builds. So let's build momentum of positivity rather than momentum of negativity. So ? I think the first thing that I like to look at is like, what is the root belief that causes you to have it? So like these thoughts are coming from somewhere. So is it past experiences? Is it comparisonism? Is it perfectionism?
? I went to a Tony Robbins conference. I do love Tony so much. I have a great time there. I don't think everything's perfect, but I think a lot of great things are, are good in it. And I went to, my favorite thing is date with destiny. And I went to it last year and, ? Tony always has this talk about our towards values and our way values. And, he says, why is it that we try it? We do so good in life, making it hard to feel good and easy to feel bad. And I think about this a lot. And so last year, my word was comparison and.
He actually has you go on this whole rant. So if you can imagine, I feel I present in such a different way than how I was at that conference. ? The beast was unleashed, we'll put it that way. One of my dear friends was with me and they said that they've never seen Kiera like 4.0 version come out. And what Tony has you do is you actually go through, cause comparison was actually one of the biggest things that was holding me back in life. I was comparing to all these other women about my body, about my looks, about my business, about everything.
I realized that my self-sabotaging was from a deep-rooted piece and like prior to that, ? was fear that I let go of. was fear of all these things. And what Tony has you do is you go on this monologue, this rant to basically just see how much of life you've lost by having this. So I went into comparison and I said like, Kiera Dent, see, hear, feel, and know that I will never, ever succumb.
to the limiting and self-sabotaging and ludicrous lie of comparison. And then you go on a rant. And luckily Eminem, I do have a side nickname of DJ Skittlez. Yep, I wanted to be a rapper with Eminem. So I figured Skittlez with a Z was gonna be my rapper DJ name. So if you ever come voting with me, DJ Skittlez does come out voting to make your perfect playlist.
But Eminem was on and it was such a good thing for me. And I remember just unleashing the beast of this comparison and you yell and you scream and you just like, you know, like, and the goal is that you, you look at your life from this lens of how much has this self sabotaging piece taken from you. And when I looked at it, like I wasn't participating fully with my family. wasn't working out at the gym because I didn't want to be compared to other women. I wasn't, ?
being as bold in business because I was comparing myself to what other people did and just how much of life was being sucked away from me. And so with that, if that's something like for you to just look to see where is it and what's maybe the one or two ? values that you're holding onto that make you feel bad, that I would encourage to be a way value, not something we want to go towards. So for me, I have on comparison and like comparison only shows up for me when I forget that I am like just, ?
For me, like what I will say, I do believe in God, that I am God's greatest creation. when I, so now what I've done is I've taken comparison and I flipped it. So like, if I ever start comparison, it's only due to me forgetting that I'm God's greatest creation. And that quickly for me eliminates that. And so, and it's like fear only if I forget that I have like magic and brilliance that spews from me.
So what the goal is, is you take that root belief and you flip it and you figure out what it is. And then what is something like, it's only if I were to forget that I am like brilliant and have like unlimited potential within me. So like for fear or comparison or perfectionism or whatever it is. And so what is that? Where did that story begin? And maybe you don't know. ? And maybe go through a rant if you want, or maybe just write a new definition and make it harder to feel that. So for me,
It's actually pretty hard for me now to feel comparison. Like I can go back to that, like Kiera 4.0, if you were to call my friend Pierce, he's been on the podcast, he will tell you Kiera 4.0 came out on that comparison rant to where I feel like I literally was able to obliterate it to where it's not there. And for you looking at why am I not good enough, maybe if we can find one or two of your route towards values and away values, what are those away values? And could we...
Could we acknowledge it? Could we see why it's there? And could we maybe decide to put that to rest for a little while? ? And I think when I do this exercise and I write out what success means, it's crazy how many weird rules I have to put in to be successful. And maybe even for yourself, writing out like today what you feel you have to do to be successful. Oftentimes this is why we feel like we're not enough is because we've made this laundry list where it's impossible for any person.
ourselves or someone else to ever hit that level. ? I talked to a friend once and she was like, yeah, for me to be successful, I have to have, I think she told me like 10 million in her bank account, which she was not even close to that. She had to have her body size be X. She had to drive a certain car. She had to live in this. And it was like, wow, well, no wonder we feel this. That's the root belief. It's so hard for us to even feel successful versus I feel successful anytime I make a patient happy.
What you do on that is we're not changing the rules of the game, but we are making it easier to feel good and harder to feel bad. So the only time I'm ever going to feel comparison is when I forget that I'm God's greatest creation. Well, yeah, like I'm not going to forget that. Like I really do think that. And not to say that I'm better than anybody else. I just truly do believe that all of us in our own way are truly God or the universe or whatever's greatest creation. I, gosh, like I feel emotional about that. I really do just believe that that's who you are.
I believe that human souls are that way. I believe that. and so it's one of those things like as a proud mom for you, if you want to take that on for a hot minute, go for it if you want to write it. But when doctors can rewrite, when you feel behind or you feel like you're not enough, maybe what enough feels like you could look at it, like list it off, but then maybe make it a bit easier for you to feel enough today. maybe being enough is reminding myself that like just being alive is enough.
Like think about how the magic of being a living soul is. Well, shoot, that is enough. And like, what does enough even mean? What does success even mean? And what's wild about that is this, there's maybe a few pieces to it. So call to action on it. Cause I like to make this tactical, even though it's such a soft skill is one, let's think of where these thoughts came from. So like, what are the top two things that are holding you back?
from feeling like you're enough. Like what are those? Is it comparison? Is it experiences? Is it like maybe someone told you that? I don't know what it is, but like, can you identify what that is? Then can you find an area where you don't feel like you're doing enough or you're not good enough and ask where that belief started and then rewrite how you're going to feel that. So what does enough mean or what does being perfect mean or what does success mean? And can we change the rules of making it harder to feel bad?
and easier to feel good. Now I know this won't be perfect and I know you're gonna like be clunky with me doing this, but really try it, take it on because if we can even change it just a smidge, I feel like that's a win. That's number one. Let's identify the root. Let's change our identity. Let's let it go. Let those pieces go and make it harder to feel bad and easier to feel good. Okay? Then we wanna measure what like honestly matters because sometimes we might be measuring against the wrong measuring stick.
So many people are like, well, I'm not enough or I'm not far enough along. And I'm like, but why? And like, because I have to be like so and so. And I'm like, but do you want their life? I'm not here to say like compare, like, I just want to know what's your life, what's your version of success. And that's where in Dental A Teaem people are like, well, Kiera, what do all your clients have to hit? And I'm like, there is no standard of what you have to hit. You have to be profitable. Yes. And you have to be growing for your own self. I don't care what that looks like, but those are like pretty much the only measurements that we have. There's no set standard. There's none of that because I want you to
truly be measuring against your own yardstick. So ? for this next piece is going to be like, let's measure what success really is for you. ? Maybe it's on value, values, maybe it's on lifestyle, but not on volume. And then I want you to like reflect on your life of what have you done to get closer to that, that goal or that success or being enough. ?
where you're focused more on that outcome and the life you're living rather than measuring up against someone else's yardstick. So, and sometimes it's like pilots, right? Like if you were a pilot and you're on a course and you're like, well, shoot, I'm going to end up over in Sweden, but I was really trying to get over to Bora Bora. Well, great. We just were on the wrong path. We're, focusing on the wrong target. And so for you measure what really matters and go for the right target, go for where you ultimately want to end up in life, go for those pieces rather than just like,
I don't know, being on the success metrics that doesn't actually matter for you. When I wrote out success last year, it was like, I have to be making XML, I have to be working this amount. And I was like, Kiera, you know better than this, why do you do this? And I think it's like, I don't know, I don't know where this stems from. I don't know why as a society we're obsessive with not being good enough, no matter how great we do, not.
Not being proud of ourselves, not being our biggest fans. ? And so for that, I really think like step one is find the root. Step two is going to be figure out what success is and rewrite it to where it's easier to achieve it rather than harder to achieve it. And again, I'm not trying to move the goalpost on you. I'm just trying to build the momentum and fuel because the happier people do better in life, the more depressed and the ones who feel worthless and that they're not doing well enough, they don't do as good. So I'm trying to make it easier for you to hit success today and to realize you are successful rather than
having a harder to ever achieve it and making it so impossible you'll never achieve it. And then number three is, rewire this. So kinda like what I did, we're gonna rewire. So ? confidence, certainty, being proud of yourself is a muscle and you have to train it. So every single day I literally write in my journal, things I love about myself or things where I've been successful or things that like whatever it is,
where like I've been proud of myself or whatever it is, but you start to train in an actual way. So like we can replace our negative thoughts with affirmations. We can surround ourselves with people who are great. We can celebrate the the wins. Like every day I have to write down three great things that I did from the day before. Sometimes saying it out loud, sometimes writing it down. But when you start to do this and you start to even shift that into your team where we start to focus on the wins that we've had every single day.
Like we always heard our offices out of like, are the wins you've been having? And it's purposely because I want to build a snowball of momentum rather than a snowball of negativity. It's very easy when we've trained ourselves, like a pencil groove in like old school desks when we used to be in school and we'd have those pencils and we just keep digging deeper and digging deeper. We are now rewiring you to start focusing on how you've been successful. Like for me, like comparison, like it used to be like, my gosh, like every day, like I literally, you guys used to be consumed by comparison.
I would sit here day in and day out and be like, I'm just not that great. I will tell you, and it's been seven months since I did that exercise. I'm not exaggerating. I can count probably on one hand, the number of times I've compared and I catch myself pretty quickly. I'll tell my husband like, gosh, like there was one time and I'm like, business are doing X, Y, Z and like, like, why am I not doing that? And I'm like, because I'm living my own freaking life over here. Like, yeah, I can be doing different things, but
I am so intentional with the life I'm building and I'm so proud of what I've done. And then I just like flip into this, like, Carrie, you're freaking killing it. And like, these are the great things that you've done. I'm like, let's start celebrating the wins. while yes, like comparison serving me nothing, you playing small is serving you nothing. You thinking that you're not good enough is serving you nothing, but you having the confidence in yourself, you reminding yourself of the good things you freaking took a risk to be a business owner. You go in day in, day out, you have led a team. became a dentist.
Those are some pretty big milestones and to be proud of yourself and then to figure out how we can start to do this every single day and to train that muscle. ? I know this sounds fluffy and I know this sounds woo woo and I know this sounds like I'm not doing that. I would just encourage you to try to figure out one, where's the root and what are the one or two things that are really keeping you back. Then two, what's your success ladder and how can we make success more achievable rather than further away?
And then three, can we rewire that and make it to where we are continually writing who we want to become? ? Another great quote by Tony Robbins, I tell you, it just comes to me constantly. He says, are you the creator of your life or the manager of your circumstances? And I think by all these things I've talked about today on the podcast, this is helping you be the creator of your life, not the manager of your circumstances. You're creating the success you want. You're creating the identity that you want. You're creating the person you want to be.
And if it's tricky for you, reach out like I have literally there's a client, Corey. I'll actually say his real name. I know he listens to the podcast periodically. Uh, and I know he's an amazing human and Corey will tell you that I have done these exercises with him and we joke about it, but he and I have such a close relationship. And I'm like, it's because we saw the real raw versions of each other. We created these new pieces. We celebrate the wins together. We don't allow each other to get into these darker holes. We remind each other like
It's accountability buddies on living our best life. And so for you, get the identity right, redefine your success metric, measuring thing, and then retrain your brain and the words you say to where hopefully in six months from now, when we come back to this, you can say, just like I can say, I'm not perfect. And I literally was able to let go of so much of the comparison that used to suffocate me from the joy of life that used to rob me from that.
and to not have it be obsessive. Now there's other obsessive things that will come up, but at least that one I feel is tempered, is tamed, is not there as much and being able to bring that on. So for you, you already are enough. gosh, like if you could look back at who you were when you were 10 and then tell them who you'd be today, I you'd be shocked and so proud of that. If you could think of like a little child, think of yourself that way and like, you're not going to tell that kid like, hey, freaking walk already, like stop crawling.
You'd be so proud of them, of the little milestones. And we celebrate children. And I feel like let's celebrate ourselves as adults. Let's change that if we can. Let's create a different path. Let's create a different model. That way you can thrive. And really, truly leading from the truth that you are enough, not the insecurity of that. I believe that this, like doing this is just as important as systems and strategy. I believe that doing the inner work makes you the
The boss, the leader that your practice, your team and your patients need you to be. And it's not fluff and it's not that. So don't skip this inner work. ? And I'm happy to help you share this with someone that you know, needs to hear that they are enough ? that you're doing better than you think you are. That your success is so freaking amazing. It doesn't matter what other people are doing. We look at other people for examples, if it's what we choose to do, but we're so committed to living our best lives and the best version of ourselves.
? I only use other people as an example of what's possible, not of a comparison of what I'm not doing. And for you, whatever it is for you, truly, let's help you achieve that. And if I can be a cheerleader in your back corner, if I can be like a little Jiminy cricket on your shoulder, if our team can help you, this really truly is a zone for you to look to see where is it coming from? What can I change? How can I make it easier to feel successful today and that I am enough today? And then reinforcing that with daily habits.
It sounds so silly, but I promise you the fastest, the strongest force in the human nature is the need to stay consistent with who you believe you are, not who you actually are. So let's change that belief. Let's change that identity and help you get the happiness that you deserve. This is something I'm very passionate about, something that I love so much. And I'm so grateful to be able to chat with you guys on the podcast. So reach out if I can help in any way. Hello@TheDentalATeam.com. And as always, thanks for listening. I'll catch you next time on The Dental A Team podcast.