Hindsight is Always 20/20.
It’s amazing how the unknown can make life so confusing. When we have to make the huge life decisions, everything seems so foggy and muddled. But once we get through it, it's all so clear. Why is it so hard to miss the clarity of a situation when it is ours?
Looking back on my decision to enroll in dental school, I see such obvious signs I was unsure of this decision, but I ignored them. I was too set on what I wanted dentistry to be to find out the truth before committing.
When I applied to dental school, I hadn’t ever worked in a dental office, so I didn’t really know what it was like. I had only observed dentists in their practices and interviewed them to learn about what it was like to be a dentist. Of course, they all told me how great it was. Either that, or I selectively listened for what I wanted to hear… and I missed learning about some of the harsh realities. Thanks to my well-honed skills of selective hearing and selective memory, I’ll never really know how it all went down. But in those days, I was much more interested in doing other things with my time. (A sign, maybe?) I figured, why immerse myself in dentistry when I was going to be buried in it my whole life? What’s the rush? Here’s where that hindsight kicks in: it probably would have been good to experience a little more firsthand.
But I won’t look back on that with judgment. It is what it is.
I do think a few of the dental schools were concerned by my lack of exposure. I left those interviews questioning whether I wanted to do this or not. (Another sign, maybe?) Ironically, or not so, I didn’t get accepted to either of those schools. They must have seen something that I didn’t. There was one interview that went well though. I felt as if they were getting to know me, not just the amount of dental experience I was able to show on paper. I left feeling like dentistry was a good choice for me, like I could be a part of a great community. They must have felt the same way because I got
I’ll never forget a restlessness that was growing inside of me though.
It started brewing my senior year of college. I had this idea that when I looked at my life and saw myself going to high school, then straight to college, immediately followed by dental school, and then a lifetime of being a dentist, with my 2.4 kids and white picket fence; something felt empty. (Yet another sign?) It seemed that this “me” would be so mundane. I had this idea that I didn’t want my life to be so planned and calculated. I wanted some excitement. I wanted to be interested and interesting.
So instead of going to dental school, I went to Spain.
I made a promise to my mother: Yes mom, I promise it will be only 1 year, and then I will go to dental school.
She was gracious enough to help me get to Spain. The least I could do was agree to follow through for her, and I’ve always been someone who upholds my commitments. I was lucky that Baylor understood. After I was accepted to dental school I sent them a letter saying this:
I was a Spanish major in college, and I would like to further pursue my studies in Spanish. I am requesting to defer admission for 1 year so I can live abroad in Spain and accomplish that goal.
The plan worked, and they accepted my proposal to defer admission for 1 year. While my explanation was honest, it wasn’t entirely true. I wanted to become fluent in Spanish, but I also wanted an adventure that expanded my world beyond what I already knew. I admired Baylor for their decision because I believe it showed their respect for the value of higher education, diversity, and life experience.
Were those some early signs that I was pushing myself into a life I didn’t really see for myself?
I’m sure the answer is yes, but it doesn’t matter. I could easily re-tell the same story highlighting the signs that pulled me into a career that was my true calling. And I’m not the type to look back and regret the choices I’ve made or wonder “what if.” The way I see it, the process I had to go through brought me here today.
I wish I loved dentistry. That was my original plan. Life would have been a lot easier if I did love it. But things still turned out pretty well. Even if the journey was long and painful, ignoring the truth about dentistry and the truth about myself served as the exact path of self-discovery that I needed.