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Dentistry and the Dating Game by David R. Rice, DDS

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If you’re anything like me, as a new grad you’re thrilled to have walked across that stage, and a bit nervous about how to make this whole dentistry thing happen. You’re not alone! Every new grad I work with and every dentist on Dentaltown.com has felt or feels just like you. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be!

What I’m about to share may at first seem counterintuitive. After all, you just spent the last three or four years laser-focused on all things teeth-related. So here’s the deal, I want you to know that what you’ve learned to date is very, very important. I also want you to know that I am a firm believer that you need to further your clinical education — just check my bio, I’m a confirmed CE junkie. Your patients deserve your best and so do you.

That said, I want to let you in on a little secret: Your professional success is more about the dating game than anything you’ve learned in dental school.

Crazy? At first glance. Truth? All day long!

The dentistry, although highly detailed and ever-evolving, is the easy part. I know you’ve heard professors, clinical instructors and mentors share this. That’s what you and I trained for. That’s what we traditionally do well. The real key is getting your patients to say yes to the dentistry you’ve worked so hard to learn and you’re so excited to provide — to choose you over every other dentist.

Those of you who have heard me speak know I’m a big fan of natural laws. For example, if I asked you to hold your smart phone out in front of your body and let go, what would happen? It would fall, it would shatter and you’d rightly think I have a screw loose for asking you to do it. And if you kept buying smart phones, and I kept asking you to repeat, they’d keep falling. That’s gravity. That’s a natural law. We can count on it to happen every time. There are many natural laws that I count on in dentistry every day. One in particular: the natural law of emotion. And just like gravity, we can count on the natural law of emotion to hold true every time.

The natural law of emotion states this: People make decisions based on emotion and they justify those decisions later with logic. If you haven’t lived it already, picture this. You’re a new grad who, after four long years, just landed your first job. Maybe it’s a residency program, a specialty program or maybe you’ve jumped right into private practice. It’s a big day — someone just handed you your first real dental paycheck. You feel outstanding. And it just so happens, you have to hit the mall on the way home to pick up a few necessities. As you walk along, you look to your right, and there it is. The Apple store. You have a few extra minutes, shrug your shoulders and think “what could it hurt?” and you walk in. You do the mandatory walk around and what do you see? The latest iPhone. You look down at your not-latest iPhone. You look back up, and 1.5 minutes later the credit card is swiped and you walk out with a huge smile on your face. And $500 lighter.

A few minutes later, you’re back in your car, heading home and what do you do? You hold the home button down and get your new secretary Siri on the line to call as many friends as you can. Then, just like the other millions of us out there who hit the Apple store, or favorite clothing store or restaurant, your brain starts talking.

“Thank goodness I ran into that Apple store. My last iPhone was easily pushing six months old — how old is that?! I was down to my last 10 pairs of shoes and none of them were going to work with those jeans I need to wear tomorrow night. While all my friends have been out buying everything they want and need, I’ve been killing myself at work and school — I so deserve this.”

Does any of this sound familiar? I know it wasn’t you, but do you know someone who’s done it? I know I have. The moral of the story is although we all may be motivated for different reasons, the law of emotion is the real deal. When that smartphone, new pair of shoes or whatever we need makes the call, we answer it. In life, you and I make decisions emotionally first and we sit back later and rationalize — we build our list of reasons why.

So what’s all this have to do with dentistry?

Besides being tooth nerds, are we really all that different from everyone else? Most patients are just like us. They make their decisions emotionally first and they justify them later with logic. In fact, most make them for one of six reasons:
  1. Money
  2. Appearance
  3. Time
  4. Trust
  5. Comfort
  6. Health
When you master the art of dating, you’re really mastering the art of the relationship. The result: You meet, get to know and understand each other, build trust, and ultimately, get to the emotion — to what matters most and will make patients say yes to your proposed treatment.

The essentials of dating
  1. Initial attraction
  2. The “wow” first date
  3. How to keep 1,500+ dates happy at the same time
These are the three essentials of dating that similarly apply to attracting ideal patients. Let’s look at each in detail.

Initial attraction
Ladies, somewhere along the way you have created a picture in your mind of your Prince Charming. And gentlemen, you have your ideals too. If someone fits your picture, you’re attracted and they have a shot at a first date. What I want you to recognize is your patients think just like you do when they evaluate you and the office you work in. And just like you look at a potential first date, they’re asking themselves on a very emotional level if you’re a fit for them.

What’s the dating message?
1. Know who you want to date. We all have our ideal type in the dating game. Our patients have their type too. Step one then is to define for yourself and your team who your patient type is and become attractive to them.

2. Build a great reputation. Once you’ve defined your type, make sure your reputation is outstanding. No one looking for a long-term relationship wants to date someone who’s interested in a one-night stand. Be the dentist your type is happy to say hello to, not the one to which they’re happy to say goodbye.

3. Make a great first impression. First impressions are everything! Whether it’s your website, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or how the phones get answered in your office, think about every place you have an opportunity to make a first impression that attracts your type of patient. Think about a time when you were out with your friends and met someone who absolutely blew you away. Make an amazing first impression and you’re getting a first date.

The wow first date
Can you remember the best first dates you’ve ever had? How did you feel? And what did you do the very next day, if not the moment they were over?

If your experience resembles most, your first date memories are easily dialed up. You felt fantastic, and when the date was over, you set up a second date and texted your closest friend to talk about how fantastic it went.

So what do you suppose will happen when you make your patient’s first “date” just as fantastic? You know it: They’ll remember how you made them feel, they’ll set up a second appointment, and they’ll spread the word.

Part of your wow first “date” is going to be performing the best dental exam they’ve ever had. We’re going to set the bar so high that if a patient decides to date some other dental office, they’ll run back knowing you’re the one. That said, always remember the lesson of the law of emotion and that when people make decisions, they’re going to say yes to you and their treatment with emotion first and then they’ll justify it later with logic.

In the dating game, we know a few things about the wow first date. We know that attraction piece that brought us together is front and center. We also know that if we really want to impress someone, we pick a hot spot. No one’s had the most amazing first date eating pizza in a dirty apartment with a guy or gal who hasn’t combed their hair or brushed their teeth in a week.

What else do we know? We know that great first dates usually mean that, although we stink at it on dates five through eternity, we only sneak peeks at our smartphones when our date goes to the bathroom and the rest of the time actually listen to what they’re saying because at that point we really, really want to get to know them. And we know we want them to feel good in our presence.

Let’s translate that to dentistry and apply two very important concepts. First, 95 percent of success is in the system. Second, people may forget what you said, they may forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

What’s the dating message?
1. Set the bar so high with your clinical exam that no one can touch it. Delivering the best dental exam your patient has ever had serves three main purposes. First, it gives your patient what they deserve. Second, it opens the door for you and your team to do some awesome dentistry. Third, it sets you apart. Build the systems and make the time to do a complete exam that includes the best oral cancer exam, TMJ and occlusal exam, periodontal exam and caries exam. Take diagnostic impressions and mount them from your facebow. Take the appropriate radiographs and always, always take intraoral and extraoral photographs. You will be amazed at what you and your patients see.

2. Dress sharp and make your office a hot spot. Think about what you look for in a first date restaurant. Great food — that’s your dental exam. Great atmosphere — that’s you and your team dressed sharp and in a great location. If you brought your date and the food was great, but the restaurant was sloppy, or the service was bad, or it looked like no one put a dime into it in 20 years, would you go back? Numbers one and two go hand in hand. We need both for a wow first date.

3. Listen, ask and listen some more. In the dating world, most relationships break down when we stop listening and we start telling. Our first dates are home runs because we’re more interested in what our dates have to say then we are with what we have to say. Our dental dates are exactly the same. Your patients will feel their best when you’re interested in who they are and what they have to say. Don’t worry about impressing them with your dental lingo and knowledge. Be interested. Ask them questions and just listen. They will tell you what they want and need and then you can do what you do best.

How to keep 1,500+ dates happy at the same time
For those of you who’ve attempted this in your personal life, you know it’s a challenge! All kidding aside, the style of dental practice you choose will influence how many dates you need to turn into long-term relationships. Full-fee practices need less. Insurance-driven practices need more. The question is, whatever your style, how do you do it?

The short answer is taking the first two essentials in dating — initial attraction and the wow first date — and repeat. As they say, “Do what you did in the beginning of a relationship and there won’t be an end.”

The long answer is look at building relationships as a skill set just like clinical dentistry. There are relationship tools that mirror our dental instruments. Become a student of human behavior. Seek mentors in dating — people who have studied what makes the silent generation, the baby boomers, Gen X and you, Gen Y, think differently. People who have studied systems like DISC and Meyers-Briggs that allow us to identify and predict a patient’s behavior in a given environment, and people who understand those top six patient-drivers. Learn more about each of the essentials of dating and be the dentist every patient wishes they could have.

Dr. David Rice graduated in 1994 from The State University of New York at Buffalo’s School of Dental Medicine. In 1995, he completed his general practice residency from the Allegheny General Hospital in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. With a strong belief in continuing education and mentorship, Dr. Rice went on to complete continuums at the Pankey Institute, The Dawson Center, The Spear Center and Total Patient Services, while maintaining his restorative practice in East Amherst, New York. After 11 years of speaking nationally on restorative dentistry, CAD/CAM and practice management, Dr. Rice combined his passions for teaching and mentoring and founded igniteDDS in 2012. He continues to maintain his private practice and travels the country with igniteDDS, inspiring thousands of dental professionals to live their dream, have great success and make a difference.

Dentaltown Magazine
September 2025
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