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The Pity Prison by Rhonda R. Savage, DDS

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What does a pity prison look like? The walls are built with resentment and complaints, the mortar is a mixture of excuses and the bars are fortified with pessimism and procrastination.

Negativity, gossip, backstabbing, cliques, favoritism and micromanagement are all practice sinkers. If these issues aren't dealt with, the morale will drop and the life will be sucked out of your practice. The good news is there are many ways you can change the atmosphere. After all, everyone wants happy doctors, a happy team and happy patients!

Negativity You Can Control

There are many causes of negativity that you can fix. In the dental practice, lack of firm, fair, consistent leadership can cause the following problems:
  • Running late into lunch and at the end of the day (a scheduling problem)
  • Lack of praise and appreciation
  • Lack of training and unclear expectations
  • Staff being held accountable at different levels (favoritism)
  • Negativity from the doctor (constant criticism and feeling like nothing is ever good enough)
  • Staff working in a vacuum (gossip will run rampant with assumptions and second guessing)
  • Standing around (productive people are happy people)
  • The doctor gossips, is stressed or is late on a regular basis
  • The doctor gives away a lot of dentistry, yet the staff haven't reached bonus or had a pay increase over a period of time
  • Lack of accountability: people getting away with negative or hurtful behavior or not doing their job
  • Letting resentment build up
  • Changes implemented too fast or too slow
  • Micromanagement

You can fix these issues. A systematic approach to practice management with consistent rules and structure creates a safe environment for teams to thrive within. Well run practices communicate more and resolve issues. What frustrations do you have? What makes you angry? These are things that need to change. Dentists and team members are often too close to the situation. At times, an outside objective view can make a difference.

Negativity You Can't Control

  • Debbie Downer: Drama is her life. She's sick, her kids are sick and something bad is always happening to her. She's resentful of a past life and can't get past the change in her loss of whatever it is.
  • Eeyore Bob: Yes, drama is not exclusive to gender. "Woe is me; everything is always wrong and I have to tell you about it!"
  • Untimely Tina: She's always late. If you approach her about it, however, she bursts into tears or gives you the silent treatment, neither of which is professional, nor should either behavior be tolerated.

Have you ever felt like you're walking on eggshells around a particular person? Tiptoeing around this behavior will only reinforce the behavior. Also, when one person gets away with this type of behavior, you'll find others start coming to work late or, worse yet, you'll lose the respect of the team.

You cannot control someone's behavior, but you can be clear about expectations and hold a person accountable for what you want: professional, polite, nice behavior. Nice means, even if we're angry, we do not give someone the silent treatment or explode in anger. Nice means we're respectful, but let someone know if they've caused hurt feelings. If a person chooses to remain outside the pre-agreed upon values or behaviors, this person is being difficult.

Why are people difficult? Difficult people are difficult because they get what they want! People avoid dealing with a difficult person. Difficult people come late, pick and choose who they will or won't see, push a broom for two hours and avoid helping out others. How do you approach someone with a behavioral or attitudinal issue? Begin by addressing job performance. Bad attitude will always affect job performance. Consider a two-part job description. One part of employees' jobs is skills-based. An example of skills in a job for a dental assistant would be: chairside assisting, stocking, instrument sterilization and laboratory case management.

The other part of the dental assistant's job description should be the person's ability to be a team player. The employee needs to be approachable and open to change. In addition, depending on your values, the person needs to be timely, positive, flexible about the schedule and patient-centered. The assistant needs to be upbeat and come to work consistently with the best attitude possible!

You wouldn't keep someone on your team who didn't or wouldn't learn the necessary job-related skills. Why would you keep someone on your team who doesn't model the values that you live and breathe by? Why do we keep negative people like this?

The question I hear routinely is, "Can't I just ignore the behavior and it'll go away?" The answer is no. Or, the other comment I hear is, "But she's so great at her job! She can collect money like no one else." Don't let the skills side hold you hostage and keep you from dealing with the issue.

Sometimes, as a speaker, I'm approached by my audience members and am asked, "What if the problem is my office manager or doctor? I need my job!" My recommendation is to use the "feel-felt-found" method and also clearly define your intentions up front. Here's a scenario using these tools:

Doctor, can I talk with you? Is this a good time? (Always ask this question. If it's not a good time, then when would be a good time?) Begin by stating, "My intention is that you have a great practice, where patients are happy and refer their friends and family. I feel uncomfortable bringing this up, but patients have felt frustrated because we're keeping them waiting.

Some have complained to me and I know, even though some people didn't request their records, that they've left the practice. I've had patients approach me in church and say they love you as a dentist but they hate coming into the office because they know they're going to have to wait. What I've found is that in this day and age, patients are more impatient than ever before. It seems that 10 minutes is about the maximum waiting time that they'll tolerate before getting agitated or upset.

What I've thought of is tracking how long patients are waiting. I did a Time and Motion Study for one week with the team's help and I'd like to offer some positive suggestions for change if that's alright with you.

(For more depth on the topic of Time and Motion Study, e-mail me for a complimentary copy of Time and Motion Study at rhonda@milesglobal.net.)

With a negative co-worker or employee, you can use the system of clearly defined intentions and the feel-felt-found method to decrease defensiveness and work toward resolution. If your employee, after proper coaching and given the ability to change, does not change, then it's time for a more formal sit down. Talk one-on-one and let the person know this continued behavior will affect his or her ability to retain their job. The next step is a formal corrective review. I believe all people have the ability to change given the right coaching and encouragement. There does come a time, though, that it's important to draw your line in the sand. No one has to tolerate bad behavior. Good leaders make tough decisions.

If you're the employee, I also believe that you don't get paid enough to tolerate abusive behavior. If boundaries have been crossed, it might be time to search for other employment. You can make a change. I find employees will stick around, even in bad situations, because of loyalty to fellow team members or to the doctor. But is this healthy?

Thankfully, these situations are not the norm. Many, many offices have enthusiastic team members who enjoy working together! The qualities that set these offices apart are clearly defined boundaries of behavior, attitude and expressed values. In well-run practices you'll find people who are willing to go above and beyond their job descriptions.

In addition, the doctors in these successful practices are involved in the leadership process. They support the office manager, yet make certain that they don't abdicate their roles as leaders in the practice. Multi-doctor practices have clearly defined expectations of the doctors as leaders. The leadership group has a leader office policy manual. The doctors meet frequently for office leadership meetings and are on the same page with their approach to the team. Problems are addressed and resolved in a timely manner. The doctors lead by example, as does the office manager, setting their behavior and work ethic above what they expect from the team members.

Doesn't this sound like utopia? Is this what you'd like? Then it's time to make the tough decision!

Author's Bio
Dr. Rhonda Savage is the CEO of Miles Global, an international dental training and consulting firm. Her speaking and publishing topics include women's health issues, leadership and business management.

Her 35 years in dentistry include roles as a dental assistant, a front office staff member and a private practice dentist. Dr. Savage knows the demands of quality patient care, leading a winning team and the running a successful business.

Dr. Savage brings a unique energy to her work. A Lieutenant Commander in the Navy during the years of Desert Shield and Desert Storm, she received the Navy Achievement Medal and an Expert Pistol Medal, earning her the nickname of "The Beast". She's a "straight shooter," aiming at the critical issues that dental practices face today. Visit MilesGlobal.net for her training products. To reach her regarding speaking to your organization or consulting services, e-mail her at rhonda@milesglobal.net

Dentaltown Magazine
September 2025
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