2. If you get one of those pushy people who won’t shut up, just listen to his sales pitch. When he tries to close the sale, tell him that you’ll need to go get your credit card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, shopping or whatever. See how long that commission-based jerk waits for you to get your credit card.

3. If they start out with, “How are you today?” Say, “Why do you want to know?” Or you can say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...” When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue listing off your problems.

4. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of joy and surprise, “Julie! Is this really you? I can’t believe it! Julie, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give Julie a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.

5. Say, “No,” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they’re trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.

6. Let the person go through her spiel, providing minimal, but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional, “Uh-huh, really or that’s fascinating.” Finally, when she asks you to buy, ask her to marry you. She will get all flustered, but just tell her you couldn’t give your credit card number to someone who’s a complete stranger.

7. Tell the telemarketer you are busy and if he will give you his phone number, you will call him back. If he says he is not allowed to give out his number, then ask him for his home number and tell him you will call him at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of telemarketers). If the person says, “Well, I don’t really want to get a call at home.” Say, “Yeah, now you know how I feel (smiling, of course)!”