Dentally Incorrect

 The Vet Visit

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he laid the dog on the table, Dr. Buck pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the doctor shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."

"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"

With that, Dr. Buck turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The retriever went right to work, sniffing the poor dog on the table and checking him out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the retriever sadly shook his head and went, "Woof."

The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, which walked around the poor dog several times and then sadly shook his head and said, "Meow." He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room. The veterinarian said, "There's nothing more I can do."

He handed the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner went postal. "Six hundred dollars just to tell me my dog is dead! This is outrageous!" The vet shook his head sadly and explained, "If you had taken my word for it, the cost would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan….

 How many lawyers does it take...

1) The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.

2) How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

3) How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

4) How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.

5) How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?

6) How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

7) If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

8) What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.

9) What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.

10) What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.

11) What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor.

12) What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.

13) What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality.

14) What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won’t do.

15) What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

16) What’s another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wing tips.

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Email: sally@farranmedia.com
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