9. If a patient with horrible oral hygiene tells you they brush regularly...ask them which end of the toothbrush they use.

8. If dental school is hell, then residency is some weird kind of dental purgatory.

7. When draining an abscess, never use the word, ‘yummy’.

6. With Medicaid patients, do your best work...because as a taxpayer, YOU’RE PAYING FOR IT!

5. Don’t assume patients even know what the word FLOSS means.

4. If you get into a sticky situation and you’re not sure what to do...always ask yourself, “What would Gordon do?”

3. The term “General Practice Residency,” when translated, actually means, “Get out the forceps!”

2. If you accidentally pull the wrong tooth, point to the assistant and say, “She did it.”

1. Despite all these things, the experienced gained from a residency is priceless.

The Ostrich
A man walks into a restaurant with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order. The man says,”I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich. “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $6.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and the ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.” Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the waitress. “No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad,” says the man. “Same for me,” says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, “That will be $12.62.” Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer.

“Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I’d be able to place my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right! Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “One other thing, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

The man replies, “My second wish was for a chick with long legs.”

God’s Hole-In-One
A preacher woke up on a beautiful Sunday morning after a gray, rainy week. He looked out the window and thought, “Man I’d love to play golf this morning”. After thinking about it, temptation struck. He called one of the elders of his church and said “Brother, I woke up sick this morning. I want you to lead a layman’s service at the church. I need to stay home in bed.” The elder assured him he would take care of the situation.

The preacher dressed, grabbed his clubs and drove two towns away. He paid his greens fee and began his round. His drive on the third tee veered left into some underbrush. He watched intently, not wanting to lose his ball. Suddenly, a blue bird swooped from the sky, caught the ball in the air and flew toward the green. He dropped the ball on the green, and it rolled 80 feet into the cup for a hole in one.

In heaven, one of the saints was watching this with God. He turned to God and said, “I can’t believe this. A preacher lies to his church and plays golf on Sunday morning and you give him a hole in one?” And God smiled and said, “Who’s he going to tell?”