A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.