Moms Always Know...
Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, she couldn’t help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian’s roommate, Stephanie, was. Mrs. Hester had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mrs. Hester started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, Brian volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?” Brian said, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll send her an email just to be sure.” So he sat down and wrote:

“Dear Mother, I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the gravy ladle from the house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Brian”

Later, Brian received a reply from his mother that read:

“Dear Son, I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Stephanie, and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with Stephanie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom”

LESSON OF THE DAY ... NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!

How To Tell The Gender Of A Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing,” she asked.

“Hunting Flies,” he responded.

“Oh, killing any,” she asked.

“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.

Intrigued, she said, “How can you tell?”

He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”

Tips For A Happy Marriage
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant for good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays. I go on Fridays.

2. We sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in California.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time,” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. When we go to the shopping mall, we always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because she thought there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She said, “In the lake.”

7. Before you take the leap into matrimony, remember this: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

8. In fact, statistically 100 percent of all divorces start with marriage.

9. As for myself, I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

10. I haven’t spoken to my wife in almost a year. I don’t like to interrupt her.

11. I’ll admit the last fuss we had was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I answered, “Dust!”