Dentally Incorrect

Dear Abigail:
I’m an infantry soldier in the U.S. Army.

My father has severe Parkinson’s and my mother has MS, so neither can work and are totally dependent on my sisters who are prostitutes.

My older brother is serving a life sentence in federal prison for murder, and my younger brother is a bookie in Vegas.

I am in love with a prostitute of mixed racial origin. I met her while she was soliciting business outside of my base. She knows about my family, but she loves me anyway. My being white doesn’t seem to bother her at all.

When I get out of the Army, I plan to open a house of prostitution.

My sisters and wife will work “the business,” so we can keep the money in the family.

My problem is this: Since I intend to marry, should I tell my future wife about my brother-in-law, who is a dentist?

–Confused in Fort Bliss, TX

Dear Confused:
Some secrets are just better left unsaid.

Dear Abby: My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $60 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby: What can I do about all the nudity, bad language and violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby: I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby: Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby: I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much. I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

Proof that marriage exists among other animals.