Forget, “you might be a redneck.” The Townies share their red-flag patient stories.

You might be a red-flag patient if:

“…you took your guinea pig to Boca Raton to a vet for an equilibration because it had TMJ.” – Howard Chasolen, DMD

“…you diagnose your own TMJ maladies because you are a medical claims adjuster and have seen all the claims come across your desk.” – Jason Luchtefeld, DMD

“…you whip out a spread sheet of interview questions (with other dentists’ responses penciled in) to your first consult appointment.” – Dr. Tammy

“…you sit in the chair with a glazed expression while your husband answers EVERY question for you.” – Michael Kubiniec, DDS

“…the first thing out of your mouth is, ‘I don’t want x-rays.’” – Mike Barr, DDS

“…you brought a 1959 edition of a dental restorative book, printed in Russia, and tell me you want to have things done like in that chapter….” – Aleksandra Morel, DDS

“…you want your four-pound dog to accompany you, and sit on your lap during a procedure.” – Howard Chasolen, DMD

“…you are 82-years-old and bring in a cut-out magazine picture of Jennifer Aniston and tell me you want to look like her.” – Howard Chasolen, DMD

“…you used auto body putty (Bondo) to repair your denture about three years ago, and it is still working, but you just want the front tooth re-glued.” – Garrisonmt

“…you come in at 5 p.m. on Thursday, and claim to have a terrible toothache, x-ray looks OK, but want something to ‘get you through the weekend’ and are allergic to everything but Vicodin, and forgot your checkbook, wallet and money.” – Tab

“…you and your husband appear in matching outfits with the name of your pet goose ‘Cuddles’ embroidered on them, and proceed to show me the photo album of Cuddles you brought along with you, while you explain that Cuddles is going to have her own TV show someday, and proceed to sing me the theme song you wrote for the show….” – Dbowman

“…you try arranging a marriage between your dentist and TWO of your nieces, and don’t stop trying to convince your dentist, even though he shows you his wedding ring.” – Karl M. Haemig, DDS

“…you insist on having your cell phone on and stop the initial interview more than two times by ‘taking a quick call,’ and then discuss Britney Spear’s latest post-pregnancy outfit in People magazine with your equally vacuous friend.” – Tab

“…you are 40+ years-old and come in with your mother’s credit card.” – Nelsjay

“…you want your amalgams out so that the feds can’t track you with their radio transmitters.” – Karl M. Haemig, DDS

“…every appointment for every member of the family; the entire family comes to the office (wife, husband, and all kids).” – Bradley Smith, DDS

“…you have relined your old denture with bologna three months ago and wonder why you have bad breath now.” – Skiffer