6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

You watch the Weather Channel.

Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”

You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”

You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

You take naps.

Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.

Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

A $4 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”

You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

BONUS:
You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old butt. Then you forward it to a bunch of old pals and friends because you know they’ll enjoy it and do the same.