Last year I replaced several windows in my house. They were the expensive double-insulated energy efficient windows. This week I got a call from the contractor complaining that the work has been done for a year and I had failed to pay for them. Boy, oh boy, did we go ‘round and ‘round. I told him no one pulls a fast one on this old lady. Even though I am a senior citizen and used to be a blonde, doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid! I proceeded to tell him just what his salesman told me last year, “in one year the windows will pay for themselves!”

Speed Limit
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state police officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies–two in the front seat and three in the back–eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was following the speed limit exactly! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a hazard to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. “No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly, 22 miles an hour!” The old woman says a bit proudly. The state police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that ‘22’ was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. “But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask: Is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer said.

“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”