Forget, “you might be a redneck.” The Townies share their red-flag patient stories.

You might be a red-flag patient if:

“…you come in for your new patient exam, and set down your 20 oz. Mountain Dew bottle and a pack of Marlboros on the instrument tray; then proclaim that drinking pop is the only crutch you have left in your life.”––Karl M. Haemig, DDS

“…your patient pulls the pieces of their ‘broken tooth’ from a Ziploc bag, and it clearly contains two halves of a white plastic shirt button.”––Baladent

“…you have made a lateral incisor out of fingernail acrylic, and have been wearing it for two years as a permanent replacement.”––Matt Brink

“…you want to make sure that no material used in your mouth contains ‘carcinogenic’ fluoride (including cements), but you still smoke three packs per day.”––Nelsjay

“…you spend so much time in the sun that your skin looks like black leather, but you are afraid of the radiation in dental x-rays.”––Nelsjay

“…you are one of those patients who ‘can’t go back’ when the chair reclines. Then want all of your treatment performed while sitting upright. You can sleep horizontally, no problem…you just lose this capability when you’re in my office.”––Amk87

“…under ‘last dentist,’ you write ‘several.’”––BlackPearls

“…you come into the office asking for the soonest possible appointment because your insurance ends at the end of the month; you get an appointment for the very next day, and then five minutes before the appointment you call and cancel.”––Glenn Poch, DDS

“…you say, ‘I have a cousin who is a dental assistant and she said…’”–––Richard Rychetsky, DDS

“…you come in holding a pair of dentures, and ask if it would be possible to make them fit to your mouth because they belonged to your mother, who recently died, and who only had them for two years.”––Fibo

“…you claim you don’t like to brush because it makes your cigarettes taste bad.”––Gxm321

“…you insist that the only time you can come in is in the afternoon at 4:30 p.m., but when pressed it is because you simply CAN’T miss Judge Judy.”––Timbo

“…you try to sell ‘pyramid scheme products’ (vitamins, other junk) to your hygienist during your visit.”––NY2AZ

“…you are adamantly opposed to fluoride and, of course, have a mouth full of rotting teeth.”––Hooahdoc

“…you refuse to swallow any saliva at all while you are in the dental chair. You even have to spit into a tissue, as the suction isn’t good enough.”––Mike Rice, DMD

“…you come in with 50 tattoos and several body piercings, then you tell me that you are deathly afraid of needles.”––Xtcrown