Dentally Incorrect

"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." - Johnny Carson

"Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car." - Stephen Colbert

"This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate." - Andre Kelley

"If you want to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe."
- Carl Sagan

"Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people who annoy the hell out of us?'" - Jim Gaffigan

"Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence." - Erma Bombeck

"You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out." - Jay Leno
"The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, 'I don't need a pardon. I need a job.'" - Conan O'Brien

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