Dentally Incorrect

From the mouths of babes
A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, “Do you think I’ll find Big Bird in here?” The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, “Do you think I’ll find the Cookie Monster down there?” Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, “Do you think I’ll hear Barney in there?” “Oh, no!” the little girl replied. “Jesus is in my heart. Barney’s on my underpants.”
Rcyoungdds, Official Townie

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Mrs. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”
Rod, Official Townie

A Gorilla In a Tree
While eating breakfast one morning at home, a man notices a large 400 pound gorilla sitting in his backyard tree.

After a quick search in the Yellow Pages, there it was...ACME Gorilla Removal Service. “I’ll be right over,” stated the man on the other line.

Shortly there after, an old man shows up in a beat-up pick-up truck with a large bag.

“As you can see, I’m by myself today and I’m going to need a little assistance for this removal.”

“No problem, states the homeowner, just show me what to do. These gorillas are really becoming a problem around here.”

The old man then opens his bag and takes out a long stick, a 12 gauge shotgun, a pair of hand cuffs, and an 80 pound pit bull terrier.

“Here’s the deal” he says. “I’ll climb the tree and poke the gorilla with a stick until he falls out of the tree. THEN my highly trained pit bull will immediately clamp down on the gorillas genitals, and the beast will be unable to remove the dog. The bite is like a vice-grip. While the gorilla is fighting the dog, just slip the hand cuffs on him and I’ll take it from there.”

“Good enough plan,” says the homeowner, “but what is the gun for?”

“Oh yeah,” says the man. “Just in case the gorilla throws ME out of the tree, SHOOT THE DOG!”
Drdave, Official Townie

A Dental Success Story
A man was at a conference when he meets an attractive lady in the hotel bar. After quite a few drinks and some lively conversation, he invites her up to his room and she accepts.

After sex she tells the man, “You didn’t tell me that you were a dentist.”

“How did you know that?” he asks.

“Because before we got started and right after we were through, you immediately got up and washed your hands. I figured only a dentist would do that”.

“Well, you’re right I’ve been practicing for 10 years now,” the man says.

“You know what else,” the woman says, “I bet you are a really successful dentist.”

“Why do you think that?” the man says.

“Because I didn’t feel a thing!”
Ceramiccowboy, Official Townie